TO BE READ WITH ITALIAN ACCENT:

FRA POSTEN
THE MANAGER

Y.M.C.A. HOTEL LONDON                                       ROMA, 28 SEPT. 1991

Dear Signore Direttore!

Now I am tella you story I was treated at your hotella. I am a comma from Roma
as tourist to London and stay as a young Christian man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed - how can I sleep with
no shit in my bed? So i calla down to receptione and tella: "I wanta shit."
They tella me: "Go to toilet."
I say: "No, no I wanta shit in my bed."
They say: "You'd better not shit in your bed, you sonna-wa-bitch."
What is sonna-wa-bitch?
I go down for breakfast into restarante. I order bacon and eggs and two pissis
of toast. I getta only one pisses of toast. I tella waitress, and point at
toast: "I wanta piss". She tella me: "Go to toilet".
I say: "No, no I wanta piss on my plate."
She say to me: "You'd bloody'wella not piss on the plate, you sonna-wa-bitch."
That is a second person who do not even know me calla me "sonna-wa-bitch".
And why is your staff replying "go to toilet", is that modern tella?
I do not understand, please tella me!
Later I go for dinner to restorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock.
I tella waitress: "I wanta fock"
And she tella me: "Sure, everyone wanta fock"
I tella her: "No, no you don't understanda me, I wanta fock on the table."
She tella me: "So you sonna-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out
of here!"
How comma this Christian hotella tella the guest in such bad manner?
So I go receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotella no more.
When I have paid the billa, the porter say to me:
"Thank you, and peace on you."
I say: "Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch, I go back to Italy."

Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch.

Sincerely

Dicci Elgre