Things that Obtain the Horned Caprine Entity of the YaK
This is a section where I am going to make note of things that bug me, and piss and moan about them a bit.
25 Jan 1997
Those little star thingies that take a crap of a lot of shots to kill and which get in the way no end on Space Duel on the EMU 2.0 vector emulator
They are complete and total buggers, and no mistake. And so is the fact that you can't stop that slow burn down the thingy linking your two ships with your shield when one of them gets killed. You can carry on moving and firing but you know you're gonna die in a few seconds. Bastard. Genius.
1 Dec 1996
Those bloody pointy-up bits of wood in the Drake Lake course on Wave Race 64.
They are complete and utter bastards. I mean, who would really design a race course with bits of wood poking up from one of the fastest parts of the course? The number of times I have been in first place and then I've hit one of the little buggers and ended up inhaling lake whilst the other racers zoom past my moistened ass to victory... I hate it when that happens. Bastards.
The little red fire-hydrant generators out of Robotron.
Now these really are complete, total and utter bastards. They move quickly and are hard to shoot, and they irritate the piss out of you when you're backed into a corner by herds of marauding Grunts and the one or two generators that you've missed start unloading great herds of Hydrants at you. It's a situation that nearly always ends in tears, and which has had me close to snapping my PlayStation joysticks on numerous occasions. It just makes me see red. It precipitates me into a killing frenzy. I have to keep having just one more go so I can nail their pulsating, bastard red asses with a big, fat laserbolt. Heh.
The Zapper and the Snitch out of Matrix on the Vic-20
Bloody hell, all the time you're playing that damn game, your sphincter is tight because you are never quite sure if the Zapper is going to nail you if you make a pass across the playfield. I curse copiously when that happens. And the bloody Snitch... hang around too long in one place and he actually points you out to the enemy. Bastard! I hate myself for ever having thought up such a devious thing in the first place, let alone coding it into a game to torment my future self fourteen years later! I'm a total git!
Reading about Dave Spicer's emulator and not being able to get my hands on the latest version
Bloody hell Dave, get it sorted! Some of us are drooling out here! It's getting increasingly moist! If you don't release it soon I shall have to bill you for a new carpet!
System Wars on all the rec.games.video.* groups
You go to the newsgroups to find out some information about what's out there for the various systems, and the groups are full of noise from idiots who have to tell the world why they think that their Playstation/Saturn/N64 is better than the Playstation/Saturn/N64 (permutate endlessly)... hey guys, shut up and get a life! What really gets my goat is that there is a special newsgroup, .advocacy, especially set up for this kind of whingeing and nobody ever uses it! Jeez!
The endless ads for kiddie's toys at Burger King/McDonalds/etc on US tv
Good God, it's hard enough to find anything at all decent on the box to watch these days, without having it endlessly interrupted to have some git of a fast food outfit ram some excruciatingly twee and nauseating drivel about the latest round of trinkets they want to hawk to minors along with steaming dollops of grated cow. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!!
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