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PiLPhPhPPP PLPPHPH`HI BLV P}`@-><- 짠򠠠 W}Πռ <-Š-> ۱ Exit X}To Basic ۲ Exit To Dos ۳ Printer Config ۴ News/PrinterHelpϠSPACEBAR Y}͠Ӡš READ/PRINT ALL! Lots more on J/S to read Scr Z} side 2! Who's Who! Meeting Dates. Check Directory Parody -- Borg o [}f side 2 for Editor's Msg. m/l and BASIC Minutes Jul.'97 programs! Minutes Aug.'97 \} Newsletter Rev. }|Vol: he ||Issue: || ^}   ||What? No   ||spacebar   Read the ||programs _}   Editor's ||this issue?  Notes! ||   || `} ||  ||--> <--|| a}  ||  || Atari User Group Inc.(c)1985 |*** Alan Sharkis, Edb}itor ****** 43 Rose Drive ****** East Meadow, N.Y. 11554 ***c}|Charter Member NEAR*US ATARI USER Gp.|| |d}|Charter Member NEAR*US ATARI USER Gp.|| | *********************************** OL' HACKERS WHO iS WHO? ? ? ? ? ? ? PRESIDENT.............Jack Gedalius f}VICE-PRESIDENT..........Josef Leber SECRETARY................Ron Fetzer TREASURER................Ron Fetzer MEg}MBERSHIP............Jack Gedalius MAGAZINE LIBRARIAN....Jack Gedalius NEWSLETTER EDITOR......Alan Sharkis BLANh}K DISK SALES.........Ron Fetzer P/D DISK LIBRARIAN....Harold Pegler Coffee & Cake.........Harold Pegler Legal i}Counsel........Jerry Ginsberg NEWSLETTER LIBRARIAN...Alan Sharkis Rep. to NEAR*US.........John Hardie LIB. COPj}Y MASTER.......(open) EQUIPMENT-MANAGER........Ron Fetzer DOOR PRIZES...........Harry Tuthill NOTE-[*] dk}enotes change in position. ***** (O.H.A.U.G.) is in no way associated with the ATARI Corp.,or any of l}their afffiliates, other than using a great product. Atari and Atari related products are the Trademarks of their rm}espective companies and used Only as informational help to our members and Atari user in general. Opinions herein an}re not necessarily those of O.H.A.U.G. but those of the various individual authors. O.H.A.U.G. is a NOT-FOR-PROo}FIT Organization in the State of N.Y. O.H.A.U.G. will NOT tolerate ANY referances-directly or by implication to p}piracy or the use of any computer equipment for illegal activities. DEADLINES FOR NEWSLETTER JAN/FEB DEC 31 JUq}L/AUG JUN 30 MAR/APR FEB 28 SEPT/OCT AUG 31 MAY/JUN APR 30 NOV/DEC OCT 31 r}Submitted articles are preferred asdisk text files, preferably made on the1ST XLENT Word Processor, in 38 columnsbut s}it will be gratefully accepted ashard copy. Send your articles, commentsto: OL' HACKERS Newsletter c/o Alan Shat}rkis, Editor 43 Rose Drive East Meadow, NY 11554-1135Please refer to the above schedule forOL' HACKERS NEWSLETTEu}R deadlines. ****end*****st Meadow, NY 11554-1135Please refer to the above schedule forOL' HACKERS NEWSLETTE' *+*+*+*+* NEW SCHEDULE OF MEETING DATES Dates have been set until June 20, 1998. All meetings staw}rt at 11:30 A.M. and end at 5:00 P.M. * September 7, 1997 1st Sat. ** October 18, 1997 3rd Sat. x}November 15, 1997 3rd Sat. December 20, 1997 3rd Sat. January 17, 1998 3rd Sat. Februy}ary 21, 1998 3rd Sat. March 21, 1998 3rd Sat. April 18, 1998 3rd Sat. May z} 16, 1998 3rd Sat. June 20, 1997 3rd Sat. NEW DATES, CHA{}NGES AND SPECIAL EVENTS WILL BE PRINTED AS SOON AS RECEIVED. * Joint meeting with LIAUG at thier meeting place. ** |}This meeting ends at 4:30 PM ->->END<-<-IVED. * Joint meeting with LIAUG at thier meeting place. ** 9O) !"`3!3:,*2B:,"@A( A$} / +@-/(@TURN DISK OVER( /-@/(@THEN PRESS ANY KEYZ 5AdAU)$}& A'5% D:PROG.BAS o+A%A @7-@@Q(NO PROGRAM THIS MONTHc-@@$}oAR B'(FLIP DISK AGAIN AND PRESS A KEY1 A'8)B A 6 (}-@ @ 6( What's Your P$}leasure?" _B7t@d'@@d9-@@X(enu rint ead: _)T 8"@w(($}.( Main Menu....8 A "@AT 8"@((.( Read File....8 AGP .-B:$},6. 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JAMES_1,NOTHING`1,COMACKb1,NOTHINGc$$3,FREEPORT, Merrick, RooA\}seveltd$$3,FREEPORT, Merrick, Roosevelte1,MANHASSETg1,NOTHINGh1,VALLEY STREAMi2,GARDEN CITY, MineolajA]}223,CENTER MORICHES, East Moriches, Manorvillek1,NOTHINGl2,CARLE PLACE, Westbruym2,GARDEN CITY, MineolanA^}1,CENTER MORICHESr1,NOTHINGs1,PORT WASHINGTONt1,LINDENHURSTu1,NOTHINGv1,NOTHINGw((3,LYNBROOK, MaA_}lvern, East Rockawayx1,LINDENHURSTy..3,LONG BEACH, Island Park, Point Lookout|1,NOTHING}1,LINDENHURSTA`}1,NOTHING1,NASSAU COUNTY1,NOTHING1,SYOSSET1,OYSTER BAY 1,NOTHING2,YAPHANK, Middle IslandAa}1,NOTHING++3,CORAM, Miller Place, Port Jefferson1,WADING RIVER1,NOTHING&&3,HICKSVILLE, Jericho, plaiAb}nview&&3,HICKSVILLE, Jericho, plainview1,HICKSVILLE1,HICKSVILLE&&3,HICKSVILLE, Jericho, plainview1,Ac}NOTHING&&3,HICKSVILLE, Jericho, plainview&&3,HICKSVILLE, Jericho, plainview&&3,HICKSVILLE, Jericho, plainviewAd}1,NOTHING2,SETAUKET, Old Field&&3,HICKSVILLE, Jericho, plainview1,NOTHING1,PORT WASHINGTON1,NOTAe}HING1,NASSAU COUNTY1,NOTHING1,SUFFOLK COUNTY1,SUFFOLK COUNTY1,NOTHING2,HAPPUUGE, SmithtowAf}n1,NOTHING1,RONKONKOMA D:516EXCH.NOSCOUNTY1,SUFFOLK COUNTY1,NOTHING2,HAPPUUGE, Smithtow@8         Eq} B%DOS SYSB*)DUP SYSBSRAMDISK COMBVMAINMENUHLPB]WELCOME SCRBeCWHO TXTBvDMEETDATTXTB}AUTORUN COMB~AUTORUN SYSBDNEWSLTR BASBPRESSPRTMNUBPRESSPRTHLPBHELP DOCBBJOYSTCKTXTBAREAC97ALSTBGJULMIN TXTB^ 516NUM97BASB!gFACE80 OBJB SIN3CFF OBJB KURS49 OBJB4FEDMES TXTBTESTV2 COMB-JOYTEST COMBSINLRV897TXTBoHAUGMIN TXTB+EBORG TXTBCOSMICDFCOM   Er}        Es} Et}  Eu}Ev}  Ew}        Ex}           Ey}               Ez}              E{}               E|}           E}}       E~}      E}      E}   E} E}  E}       E}        E}                E}         E}         E}           E}              E}            E}            E}          E}        E}                 E}         E}   DfDJPV\agmsx~~xsmga\VPJD>I}81+% |wqlgb]XTOJFB>:62.+'$!  !$'+.26:>BFJOTX]bglqw|I}I}I}~xsmga\VPJD>81+% |wqlgb]XTOJFB>:62.+'$I}!  !$'+.26:>BFJOTX]bglqw| %+18>DJPV\agmsx~I}I}I}H49 V5P 6 780@1$6%ԩAo 7//M ) %Ii)Iiex6~6F6M}L6u6C6L4)x6~6F6L68u6C6 Ii)IiL4) $5 9 59e989儍9<9=9>9? 989M}999999m999m 99 9 9LG4Lt 9I 9 PD1`@1`M}8i@ii0iƩ5 ii`9xr?sM}y9z9{9|9};qpz~{|}qs6et6-q68~r~s)?evew)?M} 8~r~s)?evew)?И8ztz{u{|ex|}ey}q0L6` 98Lb@DPOM}  e ei` i ii iA>E\A\EnAnE`777p7 p77M}`bc 90b"9b790c//`ԩЩPЩpЩ`L9i i `M}0bb0c` 90b"9b790c`H ԍЍЍЩ8h@H ԍЍЍЩ8h@H& ԍЍЍЩԍ8h@H ԍM}ЍЍЩ8h@H ԍЍЍh@ wUueWWTvTWw$"!'uUbRruUuRRwEgFuwEeEuM}M}L* o=o=o=o=o= Editor's Message NOTE: THERE ARE NO BASIC PROGRAMS THAT RUN FROM THE SPACEQ}BAR THIS ISSUE! PRESSING THE SPACEBAR FROM THE MENU WILL TAKE YOU HARMLESSLY BACK TO THE MENU AFTER A SHOQ}RT DELAY. JUST FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS ON THE SCREEN. On side 1 of this disk, look for a file called AREAC97A.LST.Q} This constitutes a revision of the Area Code program which was on the last OHAUG Newsletter. FRANK WALTERS, theQ} author of the original program, sent this revision to us so that we could take advantage of some changes he discovQ}ered in area codes after he sent us the original program. To use it, LOAD the original program from BASIC. ThenQ} type the following line: ENTER "Dn:AREAC97A.LST The "n" refers to the disk drive number where the revisiQ}on is located. Finally, SAVE the revised program with its original filename on the disk where it resides. There Q} is a reference book for each county in the United States called COLE'S DIRECTORY. It's useful for emergency servQ}ices because it gives cross-references of addresses, phone numbers, cross-streets, etc. It also has a listing, usefulQ} to businesses, of the towns, BY TELEPHONE EXCHANGE, within the county and the number of new businesses per year withinQ} those exchanges. Public libraries often have the book in their reference section but don't let it circulate.Q} The book is published by county, and is leased, but never purchased. In order to assure that it stays with the orQ}ganization that leased it, the old copy must be returned to the publisher each year before the new one is leased. Q} One of our members, FRANK KUZLOWSKI, is a volunteer firefighter. He saw the directory at his firehouse, and deQ}cided that a listing of towns by exchange would be useful. So, Frank had that data for his county, and I got the data Q}for my county, which is adjacent to his. The two counties make up the 516 area code. Mr. Kuzloski revised the Area Q}Code Program sent to us by Mr. Walters to accomplish this task, and the result is the basic program, "516NUM9Q}7.BAS," which you will find on side 1. With a little work on your part, you can adapt it for your county. The GQ}erman user group, ABBUC, is responsible for an amazing number of programs, demoes, and even hardware. In order to Q}demonstrate how several fragments of machine code can be run from an address, ABBUC put three such fragments on their lQ}atest magazine disk with instructions on how to use them. I felt that this technique would be good to show our mQ}embers. On side one, then, you can find all of the components. To use them: 1. From DOS, type . When Q} prompted, type "KURS49.OBJ/N". The "slash-N" insures that the file will load, but not run. 2. From DOQ}S, type . When prompted, type "FACE80.OBJ/N". 3. From DOS, type . When prompted, typeQ} "SIN3CFF.OBJ/N. This must be the LAST component loaded. 4. Finally,from DOS, type (Run aQ}t Address.) When prompted, enter "3400". The ABBUC disk also contains a very versatile tester for yoQ}ur entire computer. On Side One you will find a file called TESTV2.COM. You can oad it from DOS. It will put yoQ}ur computer through a series of tests, the results of which are shown on the screen. The tester will detect and indiQ}cate your CPU type, standard and XE RAM, the clock speeds of the CPU and ANTIC chips, your TV system (NTSC or PAL), anQ}d the hertz per frame. Then it will tell you which disk drives are connected and powered on in your system, andQ} if you have a printer, RS-232 adaptor or stereo mod in your system. You can also test your keyboard (except for tQ}he System Reset key, of course) and joysticks plugged into Ports 1-4. Pressing the key takes you back to DOS.Q} Look for a file called JOYTEST.COM on Side 1 and oad it from DOS. It will put a joystick tester screen right Q}over your DOS screen. If you do nothing else, it will provide you with ads for the Polish company that produced it iQ}n the windows in which the tests are done and in a scrolling message at the bottom of the little screen. It will alsoQ} show bouncing balls in these windows, complete with sound effects. Moving the handle on a joystick plugged into Port 1Q} and/or Port 2 puts an arrow into the appropriate window, pointing in the direction in which you pushed theQ} handle. If you push the fire button, a burst of "bullets" is shown below the appropriate window, complete with "machinQ}e-gun" noise. If you wait long enough, you'll even hear a song or two. Pressing takes you back to DOS. Q}There was a short doc file on the ABBUC disk from which the joystick tester came, but it was in German and, well, not Q} really needed to use the program. Have fun with it! On Side 1 you will also see a machine language game, Cosmic DQ}efense. Use the oad option from DOS to load COSMICDF.COM. You will also see that Jack Gedalius has not written aQ} President's Message this month. Jack is off on vacation as I write this. I have, instead, included a Star Trek parQ}ody that you can read from the main menu of Side 1 with the option. On Side 2, you'll find the files for Ron FetzeQ}r's Disk Cataloging program. Read Ron's documentation (item on the main menu) before attempting to use the program.Q} FRANK WALTERS has sent me a disk containing the spreadsheet, "BCALC," from A.N.A.L.O.G. Magazine, Issue 63, and thQ}ree very useful templates that he has designed for it. Frank has also included a short documentation text file foQ}r the program and for each of his templates. The program and the three templates appear on Side Two as BCALC.CQ}OM, BANKS.BC, CREDIT.BC, and INTEREST.BC. 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(I'm allowed to do that; I'm also the editor, Ed.) The SLCC Journal for April 1997 -- The club accepte^}d nominations for officers, and more will be accepted during the next two meetings. They report that two user grou^}ps, NCACE in Santa Rosa and STAR in Sacramento folded. They also report that the IBM side is proliferating. A^}side from a mention of their 8-bit DOM and its demonstration by BOB SCHOLAR, there is nothing 8-bit specific. (FR)AN^ }TIC for May 1997 -- The Library News, as reported by librarian RUSSELL STOWE, includes the addition of some disk^!}s and files that I've never heard of before. They may be of interest to you, and I suggest you check out this is^"}sue if you're interested in changing boot disks to files, or transferring tape to disk, or in a program that splits a^#} 130XE into two computers (non- multitasking.) Some FidoNet messages have been printed in this issue to^$} show how a local sysop, probably running on an IBM platform, has made the Atari National Echo availabe to callers^%} in the San Antonio area, and has thus made it possible for messages to be sent and received all over the co^&}untry without long distance or Internet charges. A threesome of type-in programs (Hydra8 from CURRENT NOTES,^'} May 1990, Darklite from FRED KWEDER and Frost from ANALOG #12) are reprinted and explained. Try them out. TWA^(}UG for May/June 1997 -- This is issue 27, and I have previously demonstrated its accompanying disk at a meeting.^)} A series of articles by ROGER LACEY, called Atari8 SIO -RS232 explains how an interface and software can be bui^*}lt to link an 8- bit with an ST for the purpose of file transfer. The articles are well-written, explaining ^+} theory, construction, and use of software. There is also an article by MAX for the user who has just received an ^,}ST and has no instruction manual for it (apparently, STs are either a popular upgrade path from the 8-bit in Engl^-}and, or they are being discarded by ST owners in favor of other platforms and being made available at low cost to ^.} 8-bitters, Ed.) DAVID RUSSELL continues his series on 8-bit graphics modes What appears to be the entire text of MICH^/}AEL CURRENT's FAQ on 8-bit computers from May, 1997 is reprinted. The FAQ is revised from time to time and usually pub^0}lished in the comp.sys.atari.8bit newsgroup on the Internet. It is a very good source of information on th^1}e computers, their history and unique design. L.V.A.U.G. News for May/June 1997 -- Literally sneaking into this revi^2}ew column at the last minute is this useful issue, as well as one from July/August (see below.) In it you wil^3}l fine a list of hints on handing in computer-prepared homework, etc., for young students. It originally appeared in^4} a 1986 issue of COMPUTE! Magazine. There is also a glossary (no source mentioned) of computer- related terms. Eve^5}n more useful is a list of error messages WITH EXPLANATIONS. Again, no source for this list is indicated. ^6}The issue also contains some very good cartoons and old Atari-related ads. S. C. A. T. President's Letter for Summer^7} 1997 -- Also sneaking into the review column at the last minute is this letter. Indications of 8-Bit activity in ^8}this user group are a demo by RORY McMAHON of PC XFormer at their May meeting and several demos by JOE CHIKO, includi^9}ng F-15 STRIKE EAGLE and ASHIDO, a new game from the the European company, KE-Soft. (FR)ANTIC for June 1997 -- This issu^:}e is devoted to a listing of the club's library. I have also received this library on disk in AW format, as was discu^;}ssed in the last OHAUG Newsletter. IMAGE for July 1997 -- No 8-bit specific information here, but at^<} least a mention of 8-bit activity within the group, in the form of demos by 8-bit Librarian CHUCK LAMB. SLCC Jo^=}urnal for July 1997 -- There is little to report here, except that Robert Scholar's DOM contains a lot of material f^>}rom OHAUG disks, and interesting material from other sources as well. I have a copy of the DOM and it will ^?} go into our library at the September or October meeting. The PACESetter for July 1997 -- You HAVE to see the co^@}ver! Somebody (I found out late it was President KATHY SEVERANCE) took a lot of time and trouble to add color and gl^A}itter to the cover of this issue. JOHN POWELL has written a good review of Print Power. An article by HANDS, INC. o^B}n Repetitive Motion Disorders of the Upper Extremity is reprinted. It deals with the description, incid^C}ence, prevention and treatment of such injuries as carpal tunnel syndrome, De Quervain's Tendonitis, and trigger f^D}ingers. I think it's extremely important for all computer users to read. The fourth installment of my ser^E}ies on emulators is reprinted. A Daffy-Nitions column and some very good puzzles, cartoons and riddles round out the iss^F}ue. (FR)ANTIC for July 1997 -- The AAAUA has a PC section at this point, and it is functioning well. At least pa^G}rt of it, according to Editor MANUEL GARCIA, has provided service to the 8-bit section in the form of scanning ^H} and video-capture and imaging services. If you look at this issue, you will see evidence of it in the photo^I}graphs of various AAAUA members. LOU KELLY has taken over as president after the sudden departure of TODD SUNR^J}UNNER, and MANUEL GARCIA is doing double-duty as editor and Vice-President. Librarian RUSSELL STOWE reports that he ^K} is finished working on adding descriptions of the club's copies of TWAUG disks to the library, and des^L}criptions and cataloging of the OHAUG disks is his next project. There is an article (author unknown) reprinted f^M}rom the July/August 1995 TWAUG newsletter that deals with damaged disks, their causes and fixes. It's impor^N}tant information. There is also a reprint of (FR)ANTIC's NIR DARY article (from 4/91) on the format of At^O}ari 8-bit diskettes. L.V.A.U.G. News for July/August 1997 -- Editor LARRY TISCHBEIN continues to improve this newsl^P}etter by adding humor in the form of cartoons and little sayings, and his inclusion of the "Quipsels" and "Always ^Q}Tired?" columns (no sources are mentioned.) He has also included the Question List (Index) from MICHAEL CURRENT's^R} popular Atari 8-Bit Q&A which appears regularly on the Internet. There's another Internet-based article in this is^S}sue, entitled, "What Can I Do With An 8-Bit Atari?" A source URL for the article is included. A story by TIM BLANGGE^T}R (Allentown Morning Call, 6/17/97) serves to illustrate how a large, popular and free BBS has now become a commercial^U} venure. XIO3 for July/August 1997 -- The GCACE continues as a very viable club and a great source of news an^V}d information. ROWLAND GRANT's News and Rumours column, although light on the 8-bit side, continues to follow JTS/A^W}tari happenings with a great deal of detail. His 8-Bit Affairs column this month outlines JOHN HARRIS' MAE, ^X}which has recently gone into our library. This Macro- Assembler Editor is now freeware and can satisfy many of^Y} the needs of assembly-language programmers in novel ways. John also has a version for the 85816 chip, which^Z} is also back in the news. John is manufacturing an 85816-based character generator for video display^[} boards. STEVEN TUCKER's A. P. E. has been upgraded to version 1.15, and now includes new printer options and loadin^\}g options (it also includes a device for transferring cassette images as developed by the SCHREURS BROTHERS from ^]}the PC to the Atari, Ed.) Rowland's column also talks a little about cassette operating schemes, as well as as^^}sorted problems that plague 8-bit computers and their solutions. The PACESetter for August 1997 -- JOHN POWELL sent ^_} the club a list of filename extenders and their uses that was compiled by a friend of his (CHARLES KNOOTZ.) It'^`}s about as extensive a list as I've seen. John invites all to add to it if we encounter an extender that's no^a}t on the list. KATHY SEVERANCE has written two short articles; one dealing with the common practice of us^b}ers talking to their computers, and the other entitled, "Atari Lives!" Both are interesting. A humorous list of c^c}omuter terms, and the usual puzzles, games and cartoons are also to be found in this issue. IMAGE for August 1997 -^d}- Here's another latecomer. For those of you with other platforms, the club has issued a warning about a virus tha^e}t can affect Amigas, PCs, and Macs. It is transmitted by Internet e-mail and bears the word, "Deeyenda," in the subje^f}ct line. Under no circumstances should you open this mail. Delete it immediately. It will search your hard drive fo^g}r valuable information, such as credit card numbers and passwords. It will send this data to an unknown Internet a^h}ddress the next time you log on to your ISP. Then it will wipe out your hard drive. It is memory-resident and highly da^i}ngerous. Luckily, our 8-Bits are immune to that sort of nonsense. Editor Ed BAIZ has also remarked about a BBS,^j} The Atari Connection. It's phone number is (801) 280-7486. The BBS has 5 gigabytes of Atari 8-bit files on lin^k}e, and even has some on-line games for you to play when you call. Since most 8-Bit programs are under 100 kilobytes ^l}in size, there are lots of files there. In his Meeting Memo column, Ed also talks about a meeting at Chuck Lamb's house^m} at which many 8-Bit files were demonstrated, some of which were very old but still ran. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*^n}+*+*+*+*\ o=o=o=o=o= MINUTES OF THE OHAUG MEETING 8/9/97 TREASURER'S REPORT: We're in the black. CORRESPONDENCbp}E/DEMONSTRATIONS: HAROLD PEGLER demoed a disk for the library which was sent to him from FRANK WALTERS with a cbq}atalog of disks. On one side it has Trivia Quizes and the other side has A Lazy Loader program and a Help Programbr}. There is a Lazy Read, Merge/Split Program, VCR Labelmaker, etc. FRANK is a sysop for T.A.C.O. Bell BBS, onlibs}ne since Feb.1985 and is a new member of our Club. HAROLD read his letter to the members which includes his historibt}cal background and an offering of the above disk to the Club library. He hopes to attend an OHAUG meeting whenbu} he is in this area. RON FETZER demoed a disk from ABBUC (Germany) which has a Moron Program (Library #49, Straigbv}ht Magazine). RON then demoed a couple of games (one called "The Empire Strikes Back" great graphics but you can nbw}ever win) and a music program on this disk called Mega Player, then we tried a dinosaur game, and then an explodinbx}g bomb where we have to get out of the way of the exploding bomb, and other games (Library #692). Next RON demoed a Pby}aul Alhart disk called "Cargo Ship". Next to be demoed was FRANK WALTERS' (the new member) disk side 2 called "Lazybz} Loader 3+" The members participated in a card game on the next disk and then Trivia (guessing the presidents of b{} the U.S.A.) and other trivia games. Doorprizes were given to everyone at the end of the meeting. The next meetib|}ng will be held in Suffolk as a joint meeting with LIAUG on September 6th. o=o=o=o=o=`n notes for the BANKS template with item , and the notes for the CREDIT template with item . I thank Ron FetzerR~}, Frank Walters, Frank Kuzlowski and ABBUC for all of their hard work, and I hope that you, our members, enjoy the frR}uits of their labor. o=o=o=o=o=P4  o=o=o=o=o= "Star Trek Lost Episodes" Transcript. "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with f} your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathf}ways?" "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on latef} Twentieth - Century computing technology." "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?" "Allow me to explain. We will send f}this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command f} unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate." "But the Borg have the abf}ility to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?" "Yes, Captaif}n. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of ref}sources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventuallyf} all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operatif}onal functions." "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea." f} . . . 15 Minutes Later . . . "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the comf}mand unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confif}rmation of the expected 'upgrade'." "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacf}ity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase." "Data,f} scan the history banks again and determine if their is something we have missed." "Sir, I believe their is f}a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not f}sending in their registration cards. "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emerf}gency escape sequence 3F . . ." "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly drf}opped to 0% !" "Data, what does your scanner show?" "Apparently the Borg have found the intf}ernal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity." "Lets wait and see hf}ow long this 'solitaire' can reduce their functionality." . . . Two Hours Pass . . . "Geordi whatf}'s the status on the Borg?" "As expected the Borg are attempting to reengineer to compensate for f} increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closestf} deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft Fun-Pack'.f} "How much time will that buy us ?" "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an intf}erest time span of 6 more hours." "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector." "Identify."f} "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo" "THIS IS ADMIRAf}L BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THf}IS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS" "The alien ship has f}just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects." "Magnify forward vf}iewer on the alien craft" "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship withf} no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!" "I don't believe that thosf}e are humans sir, if you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recogf}nized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits" "Lawyers !!" "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtlf}ing into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening." "True, but apparently some must have survived." "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers." "I believe that isf} known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' it often proves fatal." "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !" "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve that." (This parody was forwardedf} to me by a friend. It has apparently made its way around the Internet. While I was reading it, I realize what simplicf}ity we enjoy with our Classic Ataris -- ed.) o=o=o=o=o=hile I was reading it, I realize what simplicdO ,ؠ" \>/Щ"o Щd&8ԍ6Ԡ  wb++ R,j} u! \! ! ?) % ' :! eҙ҈`+8ֹ1! )>(i 覑 0 )>(j} `i0ױֈש֩ȑש֩֩0`(k]"<~*ppFL*F[*G~*pl*ppppppF*A*#/3-j})#$%&%.$%2selectlevel瀀pp*TTTTTTj}TTTTT*A*liveshilevelj}'!-%/6%2U@PPdTEQYYiXTTP@????j}<<<<<??IIIIII!-)-!U@PPdTEQYYiXTTP@????<j}<<<<??!-)-!U@PPdTEQYYiXTTP@????<<<